So I dropped off OldestSon yesterday at school. It was a long ride there-5 hours but filled with laughing, bad snacks and good music. We got to school and he was so happy. I was so happy as well. His roommates are great. The room looked as if a bomb had come through. People were happy to see him and even willing to trot down 4 flights of steps and help him bring more of his stuff upstairs. (POM doesn't carry stuff...).
But as happy as I was my heart was aching. He was going to stay here. Enough of the family being complete and my heart being all in one state--hell, usually in one room. The three kids were not going to be in close orbit anymore.
I always thought there should be a word that explains this feeling. I am so happy for my son I could burst. I feel my heart grow when I see him that happy. At the same time I am happy I am sad and have longing.
It's exactly the same feeling when I was so so so trying to get pregnant and it was taking longer than I had expected and friends would announce they were pregnant. I was happy for them but yet sad for me. Not jealous or envious. Both feelings at once. I would not ever deny these friends and my son happiness...Wish there was a good word.